You Are Not Alone

I say that a lot.

On my dysautonomia Facebook page, in the emails I get from people struggling with POTS.

I say that a lot because I sinceriously, whole-heartedly mean it. That's one of the biggest reasons I started putting these pages together -- so people would realize they are most definitely not alone.

But it can feel like it some days, can't it. Only because you are the one who has to feel fatigue settling into every cell of your body. You are the one who has to sit on the couch or in bed, trying not to think of all the things you wish you could be doing and focusing on doing what needs to be done to get better. You are the one who has to sit there and go through all the reasons why you might be feeling awful -- did I push it too much? did I not drink enough water? is the weather going to change? do I need to try exercising more? did I forget my meds? am I letting my stress get the best of me? -- when, in reality, it might be nothing that is in your control.

It might just be: I have a chronic illness.

No, I'm not alone; I've heard from so many lovely people reminding me of just that. But that doesn't change the fact that, some days, it feels like it.


  Even Mister Rogers thinks you sucks, Chronic Illness

Even Mister Rogers thinks you sucks, Chronic Illness

So what is there to do?

Sometimes I text a friend and we put in the same movie at the same time and watch it "together", giggling as we try to push the Play button at the exact same second. "Ok... Universal Studios lion just growled." "Crap, I'm behind." "Pausing!" "....Ok... GO!" "Ok....credits fading onto screen..." "Mine too!" "Woooot!" And then proceed to text our favorite lines and commentary back and forth for the nest 120 minutes.

Sometimes I shoot a text to my Dad or my sister or my brothers. About nothing in particular -- hockey, nephew updates, fart jokes. Just to know that they're there.

Sometimes (read: always) I curl up with my dogs, because those fluffy angels never, ever leave me. Not once. Those little heartbeats at my feet. Always constant and loving, no matter how crappy or sad I feel and, God, if they only knew how they've saved my life over and over.

And, sometimes I write a blog post. Long and rambling and usually curse laden because, yes, at times I can feel alone. But -- and this important -- but because I know I'm not. <3

- S